First of all, be prepared for emotional problems to crop up at any time in the process, not just while you’re trying to get pregnant. “Emotional issues will likely arise at all stages for both partners, during the planning, research, and conception, during the pregnancy—and throughout the child’s life,” says the American Fertility Association. After all, this is a huge, life-changing process you are undertaking. So cut yourself some slack if you find yourself getting teary-eyed while simply searching the Web.

In their article on the topic, the AFA also highlights a number of other issues which you should be aware of. One is feeling vulnerable because you must seek medical assistance as a same-sex couple. Another is feeling jealous because one partner is able to be a biological/genetic parent and another is not. A third is deciding who is going to have the baby first. And a fourth is dealing with any internalized homophobia. “That is something you have to be real clear about,” Dr. Kim Bergman, psychologist with Growing Generations tells the AFA. “It’s not okay to be a gay parent in the closet. You have to deal with your own homophobia before you have kids.”

You must also deal with your own relationship problems before you have kids. Ellen Speyer, a psychologist, tells the AFA that parents must consider “the strength of their relationship, their commitment.” This may bring up some painful issues for you if your relationship is not on the most solid ground. However, better to face these issues now than bring a child into an unstable relationship.

Do you or your partner really want to have kids? That’s something else you need to think about. One partner may sort of want to have a kid, but feel more of an obligation to please the other partner than anything else. Both of you must really desire a child, because having one may be a very difficult process. If you don’t both really want one, it will be tough to see the process through. And it will cause rifts in your own relationship if you both don’t really want one, perhaps even leading to separation, and one partner raising the child on his or her own. Be prepared to have serious discussions on this topic, and possible fights or disagreements. But don’t shy away from talking about this because you are scared to rock the boat. You must get this out in the open before you even think about having a child.

Another thing the AFA says you have to be in agreement on is how you are going to tell your family about your decision to build your own. Family Pride tells the AFA that relatives tend to be more accepting of a same-sex couple once a child is involved. But you should still be prepared for family members who are not comfortable with your sexuality to not be so thrilled that you are embarking on this process.

Deciding what religion the child will be—if you are both not of the same religion—is also a potential hot-button topic. You have a few years to decide, but this is something that may take a long time to figure out, so the sooner you bring it out in the open the better.

Another emotional issue you may have to deal with comes from couple friends who have been unsuccessful trying to have their own child. When you announce you are pregnant, they will be happy for you, but be prepared for them to be a little depressed. Reassure them that their time will come too.

Learn more at The American Fertility Association’s official web site: www.TheAFA.org .

Until next time!