In years past, I’ve considered January and February at the theatres catch up time. Since everything new the studios are putting out tends to be shit, I use the eight week span to cram in as many of the big Oscar nominees as humanly possible.

Problem is I’ve seen them all… well, except Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness—I’m just having trouble committing ever since I found out he switched to Scientology. Oh, and I’ve yet to see the Clint Eastwood war movie, Letters from Iwo Jima, mostly because two hours and twenty minutes in a Clint Eastwood movie is like an eternity and a half.

So, I’ve officially shifted my focus to new releases, and this weekend, we have two—Norbit (or as I prefer to call it, Eddie Murphy in a fat suit, take three) and Hannibal Rising, based on Silence of the Lambs author Thomas Harris’ latest installment in the Hannibal Lecter series.

Now of course, I could see both… hell I could probably walk straight out of one and into another. But I really would like to spend a portion of this weekend in daylight, so I’ve made a vow… only one movie. But which one?

I decided to do as my momma always taught me—when in doubt, list the pros and cons.

PRO Norbit – To me, nothing is funnier than Eddie Murphy’s family dinners in The Nutty Professor, and here, it’s all Eddie, all fat, all the time.

PRO Hannibal Rising – The Silence of the Lambs (book first, then movie) kept me up nights for weeks and to this day is one of the finest transitions from book to film in moviemaking history.

CON Norbit – Is this really any different than Nutty Professor 1 & 2, Big Momma’s House 1 & 2 or Kirstie Alley in Fat Actress?

CON Hannibal Rising – I can almost guarantee this movie will pale in comparison to The Silence of the Lambs. I mean, really. First we lost Jodie Foster, and now Anthony Hopkins?

PRO Norbit – Nobody’s going to look at me twice if I grease my popcorn up with butter, snag an Oscar Meyer wiener and a box of Whoppers on my way into the theatre.

PRO Hannibal Rising – The movie’s bound to be so grotesque, I would be able to eat corn, wieners and a box of Whoppers, thus maintaining my slim physique for swimsuit season.

CON Norbit – After sitting around and watching Eddie Murphy play obese for two hours, I’m going to regret downing all that damn food.

CON Hannibal Rising – I’m going to need to spend another $20 on dinner after the movie cuz I’ll be so damn hungry by the time it gets out.

PRO Norbit – Nothing gets me going like a rowdy crowd, and we know the folks in the flick are gonna be going crazy.

PRO Hannibal Rising – It can’t possibly be worse than that God awful movie with Ralph Fiennes.

CON Norbit – Of course, they’re bound to be so rowdy I’ll have to check the thing out twice.

CON Hannibal Rising – Or could it?

Hmm, torn… maybe the outdoors will have to wait until next weekend.

Until next time!